Long distance is hard. This is the second year that my boyfriend and I are in one. But I think it's harder on me as it is for him. Last year, we were both in school, so we were both very busy studying, doing hw, etc. Now, I'm graduated and working while he's still a student. So now I come home to all this free time that I could be spending with him, but can't. Meanwhile, he's away at school, studying, meeting new people, keeping himself occupied. He can get his mind off missing me with all the stuff he needs to do. But for me, I've got all this free time to miss him. It's so hard not having him here physically. My roommate has a boyfriend who is over all the time, and I envy them. It's not fair. I never wanted to be in a long distance relationship. I almost didn't date him because I knew he would be transferring to another school and it may be far away. But I fell in love and couldn't say no. He's got two more years left. I don't know if I can last another 2 years. I'm barely making it through this year, and he's only been away since Jan (he took fall quarter off). Maybe I just need to give it more time. He was here for so long that I have to get used to being in long distance again, and I remember the beginning was really rough last time So it's like starting over again. Maybe after a while, I won't miss him so much. I feel like it's different this time, though. The difference being that I am now a working woman and he is a student. I want to do things. I want to go exploring, go on adventures, do random things. And I want to do them with him. But the distance makes that impossible. I don't know, sometimes I feel like my young adulthood is wasting away.... But what am I supposed to do? I love him. I am not getting what I want or need out of this relationship. But would it be worse to not be in a relationship at all? I can't just say I don't want to be with you anymore because you can't be here physically... the feelings will still be there. But I don't feel complete. I feel like I'm not enjoying life as I should be as a young adult, new graduate, working my first job, starting my career.
Moving to SoCal is an option. I have been thinking seriously about this. Not just for him, but for my family too. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things going on with my family. But I enjoy the job I have right now (in biotech) and I really feel like I will gain a lot out of it. I feel like I can really grow at this job, even though it's my first job. I like my coworkers and I like my boss. The location is just right, the opportunities for growth are there... And even if I don't stay with the company, there are a wealth of jobs I can get elsewhere in the Bay Area. SoCal will not have as many jobs for me (unless I move to San Diego...). What will make me more happy in the end? Fufilling my career or fufilling my love life?
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