The firing last week really affected me and the coming lay offs are too. Talking to other friends, I realized that a lot of people are going through the same thing. I know we are in a recession and thousands of Americans are unemployed. The magnitude of it didn't hit me until I saw it happening first hand. I was pretty down last week and I felt the whole mood of my workplace get even lower than it was before. I told my friends how I was feeling, and they told me that they also saw people getting fired or laid off, and it's affected everyone in their workplace too. The reality hit me. Everywhere, people are losing their jobs. Morale is low in every office across America. It's a little comforting to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling, although it sucks more for the people on the other side who are jobless....
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
I've made a decision
I'm going to post it here so I don't chicken out again.
I'm moving to Socal in October.
I'm going to try to find a job and move in with my parents. Then in January, Erik and I will move in together.
And that's final. :D
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Don't move for a guy?
Two posts in one night. I don't know why I'm such a blogging mood.
I seriously feel like my relationship is on the rocks. I think I'm being worn down by the long distance. I almost broke up with Erik about a month ago. I just felt like I couldn't handle the distance anymore. We talked about it for a long time and decided to stay together. He said he would make more effort to make time for me and I would try to be stronger and more understanding of his time commitments. I told him I seriously don't know if I can handle two more years of long distance. He told me he sometimes thinks he should let me go because he thinks he's being unfair to me.
It seems like the only thing that can save our relationship is if I move back to Socal to be closer to him. He's coming back for the summer soon and I'm so happy to be with him again. But I'm afraid that after this summer things will go back to the way they used to be and I'll be unhappy again. We've been talking a lot about possibly moving in together at the beginning of next year.
Either with Erik, someone else, or myself, I think I am ready to move back to Socal and leave the Bay Area. I really love the Bay and I wish I could explore it more, but what's the use if there's no one to explore it with? I've been living here for 6 years, I think I'm done with it. I miss Socal. Part of me wonders if I would feel the same way if I were single. Honestly? I think I would stay up here if I was single.
I admit it. I want to move for Erik. I try to tell myself it's for my family, it's for my friends. And it is for them, but deep inside, I know a big reason is for Erik. There are a lot of things to consider. Finding a job is the biggest issue. As we all know, the economy sucks right now. How long would it take for me to find a job and how stable would it be? Also, people are moving to areas in order to find jobs. I would be moving away from where the jobs for me are. (There's a wealth of biotech companies in the Bay Area... not so much in LA... I've been looking...) How much sense does that make in this economic climate?
A couple of my girlfriends said I shouldn't move for a guy. That's also what I would've said to anyone else if wasn't going through what I'm going through now. I think now, "Why not?" He's the love of my life. I see a great future ahead of us. I found a great post on datingish.com: http://www.datingish.com/704054702/grownup-love/ The post ends by saying love is a sacrifice. So which is the bigger sacrifice? Leaving financial security during an economic crisis or enduring 2 more years of lonely nights with only a few days in between to be physically together?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Taste of the real corporate world
Yesterday I experienced something that happens at every company. Everyone knows it happens, but to see it happen in front of my eyes to someone I know was a big shock and yet opened my eyes to the realities of the corporate world. My boss boss got fired. It was terrible. I still can't believe it happened. I have a lot of respect for him and I felt he was really contributing to my growth in this industry. I really felt like he cared about my future and wanted to help me learn everything I can. I saw him as a teacher. I almost cried watching him get escorted by the security as if he was a criminal. It was so undignifed and he did not deserve to be treated like that at all, for whatever reason he was fired for. I feel emotional right now thinking about it.
I understand that decisions have to be made that are in the best interest of the company. The managers have their reasons for firing him and it seems like they thought long and hard before making this decision. However, I and everyone else who was managed by him cannot think of one reason why they would fire him. From my interactions with him, he seemed like a good scientist. Perhaps he was too much of a scientist and not business minded enough? I will never know..... I guess that's what I'm learning being in biotech. You can be doing amazing research, but if it doesn't align with what the company wants, you're out. Honestly, sometimes I did think he didn't belong at a company and fit in more in an academic environment.
I really, truly wish him the best. He deserves it. And I also hope I get a chance to thank him for what he's done for my professional growth.
Sigh. Work is getting so depressing. With all the lay-offs and people quitting, I'm starting to think now is the time for me to leave too.
If only the economy wasn't so bad...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Chemistry
I never knew what it really meant to have great chemistry with someone until I met Erik. We totally clicked since the first time we met. It's amazing to me that after being together for almost 3 years, the chemistry is still there. It's hard to explain what it feels like. You just know and feel that it's there. It's that spark that never went away. Our personalities just work with each other so well. We can have a conversation and totally be on the same page. We can make each other laugh. We can just hang out on the couch and talk and have a good time. We've also got this strange mental connection. Like calling each other at the exact same time, causing our phones to be busy. Things like that have happened more than once throughout the whole time we've been together. It still kind of freaks me out actually, lol. We call it our "ESPN" (a la Mean Girls). Anyway, we have this fire that I've never felt before with anyone else.
Meeting Erik taught me that chemistry can't be forced. During my single phase, there were a couple or so guys that I tried "talking" to or whatever. I tried to be something I was not and the times I hung out or talked with these guys always felt forced. Sometimes even awkward. (Ok, maybe really awkward.... I hope to God I never have to see them again....) I only wanted to talk to them for superficial reasons, but I found out quickly that our personalities didn't match at all and there was really nothing there to pursue. Thinking to my last relationship, I don't think my chemistry with him was that great either. I think it's very rare to find someone you have great chemistry with, and I am very lucky to have found one for myself.